With Valentines Day approaching I thought I would talk about how we do date night. We do not actually celebrate Valentines Day, but since most couples do and are now thinking about their marriage, and love and such I figured I would join the crowd.
Personal Failure at Dates
Not too long ago we tried to occasionally “go out” on dates. We were constantly being told by those wiser than us that “going out” and “leaving the house” was important for our marriage. After many attempts at this we felt it was actually draining our marriage. We do not enjoy eating out that much and felt there was not much else to do. We did come up with a few ideas that we enjoyed, like going for a run or walk, seeing a play, skiing or kayaking. However, we usually missed our family and wished we were home.
Our Date Nights
The date nights that work best for us are simple. They are focused on each other on learning about each other, on quality time, and on growing together. While we do enjoy a good movie or a mystery play, and these shared experiences can give us something to connect and talk about, they are not the experiences where we grow the most. So what do we do? We do what we enjoy. We enjoy exercising, so we do this together, we enjoy playing games, we do this together, we enjoy reading we do this together. Occasionally we choose to make the other spouse happy, sacrificing our wants. My husband would love for me to play billiards with him every night… I like it, but don’t love it. Some nights date night is choosing to do what he wants, we will turn on some music, get snacks, and play a few games of billiards.
There are other nights that are more special, that have more planning, these happen when we have been busy and need to re-connect or when there is a special occasion. This last year for our anniversary my husband put together a dessert of fondue. He got this idea from one of our special memories while we were dating, we were really into fondue. This anniversary night he put together was a special memory and we both loved reconnecting. It cost very little, we did not get a babysitter, instead we had our date after the kids went to bed a little early and the only cost was the food. The atmosphere was a picnic in our backyard, beautiful and serene, quiet and in God’s creation.
Another special date night that my husband planned was not for a special event, but just to connect. During a meteor shower, in winter, my husband layered the ground with a tarp and blankets. After the kids went to bed we laid out under the stars and watched the meteor shower, it was amazing!
What is Important
Re-connecting with your spouse is important, reflecting on your marriage and your goals in marriage and your life goals are important. Sharing your heart, soul, and mind with your spouse, growing with them in the Lord and life are important. I do not find it necessary to leave your home, to spend money, or to do something new or incredible to accomplish this. However, it is important that our children give us space and quiet to connect and to grow our marriage, and they are learning that. Our children go to bed at a reasonable time and on the extra special nights they go to bed a little early, we tell them why, we tell them daddy and mommy need to spend time together.
Valentines day is about re-connecting, about showing your love and commitment to your lover. We believe this should be done frequently, not just on valentines day, and sometimes when it is a surprise instead of a planned or expected day, it is more fun and meaningful.